{"product_id":"hardcore-80s-kids-tee","title":"Hardcore 80s Kid's Tee","description":"\u003ch2\u003eThe Lore\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCaptures the exact moment when \u003cstrong\u003eearly 2010s meme culture\u003c\/strong\u003e discovered the absurdity of sanitizing metal for kids. The Memphis design language transforms thrash iconography into Saturday morning cartoon geometry—tangerine triangles and bubblegum pink fills creating cognitive dissonance. Wearing this proves you're the metal dad who appreciates ironic juxtaposition (and secretly loves how confused other parents get). For those who remember when putting Slayer in Comic Sans became the ultimate internet joke about domesticating counterculture rebellion.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eThe Specs\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBase:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cstrong\u003eRabbit Skins 3321\u003c\/strong\u003e is Engineered for sensitive skin with fine jersey smoothness, built tough enough to survive toddler chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFabric:\u003c\/strong\u003e Lightweight 153 GSM (4.50 oz) 100% combed ring-spun cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePrint Tech:\u003c\/strong\u003e Kornit NeoPigment™ DTG—Oeko-Tex® certified eco-inks are jetted directly into the fabric fibers, creating a soft, retail-grade print that withstands repeated washing without heavy buildup.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFeel:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ink absorbs deep into cotton fibers for that broken-in vintage feel. Carries the confident swagger of someone who knows the original while keeping it kid-friendly. Lightweight enough for playground adventures with metal dad credibility intact.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFit:\u003c\/strong\u003e Standard toddler cut with side-seamed construction. Soft combed ring-spun cotton that handles countless washes. True to size. Battle-tested for active play.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eThe Trust\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCPSIA Compliant · Tested Safe for Sensitive Skin · WRAP Certified · Eco-Certified Inks · \u003cstrong\u003eSweatshop-Free Production (US\/EU)\u003c\/strong\u003e · Made-to-Order (Zero Overproduction)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRating:\u003c\/strong\u003e PG · Parody · Family Safe\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eVisual Accessibility:\u003c\/strong\u003e Set on a sky blue base, this parody design reimagines a legendary thrash metal band name through the lens of cheerful 1990s sitcom aesthetics. The blocky, overlapping typography features vibrant tangerine orange and bubblegum pink letters (accented by zig-zag lightning bolts) over a split pastel pink and mint green backdrop. Chaotic \"Memphis\" style geometry fills the scene—think floating triangles and stippled confetti dots—defined by crisp black outlines.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shirtwascash","offers":[{"title":"Heather \/ 2","offer_id":51128930730236,"sku":"oyu1788074377515","price":11.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather \/ 3","offer_id":51128930763004,"sku":"ufc1788074377516","price":12.57,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather \/ 4","offer_id":51128930795772,"sku":"qas1788074377517","price":15.76,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather \/ 5","offer_id":51128930828540,"sku":"pzy1788074377518","price":14.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ 2","offer_id":51128930861308,"sku":"biu1788074377519","price":15.76,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ 3","offer_id":51128930894076,"sku":"hwb1788074377520","price":15.56,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ 4","offer_id":51128930926844,"sku":"aju1788074377521","price":15.16,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ 5","offer_id":51128930959612,"sku":"stj1788074377522","price":13.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2","offer_id":51128930992380,"sku":"pjl1788074377523","price":14.96,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3","offer_id":51128931025148,"sku":"wcd1788074377524","price":12.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4","offer_id":51128931057916,"sku":"pgn1788074377525","price":12.17,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 5","offer_id":51128931090684,"sku":"oto1788074377526","price":13.96,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0748\/7189\/8364\/files\/hardcore-80s-kids-tee_1.jpg?v=1788074383","url":"https:\/\/www.coastalwillow.shop\/products\/hardcore-80s-kids-tee","provider":"My Store","version":"1.0","type":"link"}